PANIC!!!!

SO i nearly died the last time i wrote my last post...until didn't finish the story..

But now..I'm all no bruises and stronger. Even hikied for half an hour in the cold at Gentings just now...hmm...

THAT can only mean ONE thing!!!!!

I've gained weight and I'm stronger now -__-
I dare not get on the scale. But I know I have put on weight!!! oh God..panic!

PANIC!!!!

serious panic!
I pray I'm just sronger but without the weight gain! I hope with all my might!
If i squeeze my eyes shut tight enough and wish hard enough....do you think it is possible???

Strong at 44kgs!
Strong at 44kgs and less less lesssssssssssssss.

YES!

bruises

Last night was pure nightmare I swear!

I couldn't sleep for fucking nuts. I finally gave in to tempations and went down to make tosties -__-
I miss NZ that way..the tostie. So I had some left over pasta suce and cheese in my fridge. I tosted 4 slices of sinfully fluffly white bread and spread them with the yummy pasta sauce. Think slices of cheese and crack pepper on top; into the oven and bout 5 minutes later on high heat, I took them out to INDULGE!!

4 fucking slices! Not that I can tuck in so much, just that I'm pure P-I-G!

Finally after 3 to 4 hours after the binge, I finally decided that my body can NOT and will NOT accept cheese and will not digest. So I went to puke and finally hit the sack at 5.30am. But not after another round of metal torture...sometimes I think maybe there really IS a devil inside me.

So there I sat on my marble sink table top. Totally naked except for my panties.
These tortorus thoughts ran trough;
Look at that beautiful shine of my skin clinging ever so tightly around my backbone. Knuckle by knuckle. One by one like tiny balls inserted into just under my skin, protruding like it was about to push its way through my shiny skin. And the hip bones that was somewhat poking out above my now loose panty. I curled up on the tble and realised, 'Wow, I can curl my whole ody and hug myself one whole round; something i can't do when I'm fat" My under thighs "sunk" in and I looked ike I didn't have shape. My tiny breasts hung a little low from where it had begun to blossom at a young age of 12. It points out ever so slightly, if my tummy had bloated, I wouldn't even seem to have any bust. Ceavage was a thing of the past. Far far away some time in my past life. Itwisted and turned my body, snaking myself all over my crled up legs; looking at my beautiful bones a t the same time bearing the pain from every mmove I made. The bruises I have obained from my bed in the past week are countless. Both hips hurt like fuck. My muggy mind only allowed the thoughts that drstroy me come through. What little energy I had left was used to twist my body all around to admire the bones poking out. My shoulder bones, sharp like raor, my collor bone, deep like wells, my ribs, like guitar strings you could count them. My ass, thighs and some other parts; sunken in, shrunken, gone. Done for.

cut story short...I had a muderous night! I woke at bout 7 or 8 ..with the craziest stomach ache ever. Rolling all over my bed thi