Is it really brighter than sunshine?

I still cry when I watch the video you made for me.

I miss you; really.

Its been such a long time and I think I still don't know what love is.

How can I have SO much yet be SO unsatisfied? 

I don't know if its just me...maybe it is?

I NEED a man, not a boy.

I NEED a leader, not a yes-man.

I NEED stability, not always guessing.

I NEED confidence, not mistrust.

I NEED to be true, not lying.

I NEED alot more than I can say or think of now.

But I've told you all this before and all you did was nod your head and say yes yes yes.

I try to say it nicely and not offend you many more than once, 

but I've come to realize now, that I CAN live without you,

that I am lonely even when I have you,

that I fight my own battles with you watching,

that I will never be a part of your life,

that I always am ahead of you,

that I want more out of life than you,

that I am able to lie to you,

that I had one day where I rather be with my friends than you,

that I will never be a part of your friends or anything you do,

that I am and always be an outsider.

I don't know if is the status in life 

or the background

or the upbringing

but frankly I can't take it no more

Above all..I just realized that 

I want to be loved and TAKEN care of

and I don't want to love and TAKE care or MOTHER other for the rest of my sad fucking life!

---

but am i ready to move out of this space i find so comfortable in?