dissapoinments

I let out a sigh.
A big heave of the chest and a huge well of air is dispelled from me nostrills.

I am again disappointed by things I knew I would face. I put myself in this place and yet I cannot take on these emotions I could predict would cross my path, yet again.

I am tired.

Why am I so emotionally drained???
I thought that taking control; not shedding tears and being a baby would help.
Toughen up, be a big girl now, like I should. For crying out loud, I'm no teen anymore!!!
My physical being is carrying the weight of my worries. I'm constantly angry, annoyed, aggitated, irritated and down right rude to a point.

Maybe I need more time alone. And more time with different people. My mind and heart has be concised to one and concentrated. I am young and should flow free like water. WHY do I stress myself up abbout petty things and worry if I am loved or not? No one loves anyone, to be crude. Thats what I think most days. Based on life, I would say I'm pretty blessed. But pretty fucked all the same. I blame no one for this confusion in my life called Jody.

I'm screwed up inside my head and I'm just running and hiding and running and hiding.
But its gonna be the very reason why I'm gonna fuck my life up worse than ever.
I might just die and never wake up again.
Its all taking a toll on me.
I want to sleep in peace just one night without any sort of distraction of the non-stop shitting. The fucking bad-ass tummy aches. And when there nothing like that, the nightmares and unrested mind -___-

I just want sone peace in my mind.