Fever.Feverish.Fire.

So dad has given his ultimate THREAT; but what's new don't you think?

"I'm gonna disown you..."

Oh pfft if you ask ME! Once he asked if I was gonna walk out; and just when I was about to say I'm going to, he said "FIne, you join us ut do things our way!" UGHHHH I'm so sick of his "I-am-greater-than-thou-or-anyone-else" shit attitude. SO FUCKING IRRITATING!!!

You want to disown me for being physically involved and you can even say you would be irrieponsible if I were younger and could not fend for myself?! What bullshit is THAT. Does that make you RESPONSIBLE TO DISOWN ME NOW THAT I'M OLD ENOUGH TO FEND MYSELF? FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!!

You dont need a reason to disown me. Do so if you dispise me so!
Maybe this is where my self-hate ignites from.
Maybe this is how I learn to dispise myself.
Maybe this is when I learn that I'm never gonna be good enough.
Well, thank God you got your wish. If you must know (and yes, you can pretend you don't) it's killing me =) LITERALLY.

Give me a few more years of this ED and I would have purged myself to eath, if not starved myself to its end.

You fucking offer me WINE on the plane. You FUCKING let Joy take us wine tasting. And you throw such a big damn fuss about drinking whn you well know I don't. You know 've stopped smoking and yet you ask.

If that's not being "SO DAMN IRRITATING", I sure as hell don't know what is.

You have little faith.
You have much pride.
You have much pathetic self-pity.
You have little joy.
You have little peace.
You have much contradictions.
You have much too much in arears you should have less in, and you have little too little in areas you should have more in.
But most of all,

You have CLOSE TO NONE UNCONDITIONAL love for me.
The one you PROCLAIM to the whole wide world is the best.
Smart, all rounder, beautiful, lovely, intelligent, telented, sophisicated, helpful, loving, caring..best amongst the rest...everything you could think of nice ot say about me. In public.

But..
You know you lied.


secretely you dispise me and wish I dissapear.
One day soon..few years down he road, I just might?
I just might.




I just give up fighting you , you go ahead and win your every battle you pick. I'm just gonna sit back and let you pick. You will pick. You will pick and pick and pick. And I will die out. Thank you. Good night.