theToilet; my second home

Much of last night was spent of my bathroom floor. I woke to the rumbling of my tummy. The rumble was thunderous!!! And the PAIN; was horrible. I thought I was going to die of stomach acid. And I swear its not the usual as it is getting worse and worse as the nights pass. Its not one of those nights where I woke up twice to vomit. It was a whole new episode of waking up and sitting on the toilet bowl as bowels loosen for a split second and then suffer episode after episodes of stomach aches, like acid wash. And then I have to clench my tummy as hard as my weak fingers can for as long as until the acid leaves. Its getting quite unberable I must say; as I clutch my stomache,beads of sweat break out over my forehaed and slowly my whole face starts sweating profusely, like a leaking pipe!! On days when my "episodes" come right after dinner or before I take my shower, my make up for the day will melt and I will rub my fingers all over my face, smudging my eye-liner and mascara. Looks a tad goth..haha..But that's beside the point. Last night I realise that; it's true, spicy food, although I crave it like mad, is not what my body can really take! I ate left over rendang from my farewell lunch which I had brought home, with wite rice. Its best consumed that way. Not only was it spicy but it was wayyy too oily, which of course did not agree with my body! 2 minutes into my last spoon on rice; yes I was on a small binge, God knows why! ; I started to feel the intense burn! All over my body I was feeling very uncomfortable, like little tiny ants biting my flesh off bit by bit. I couldn't even sit straight or stand up. So, Emmy Award winner Jody Wong acted quite the prize fetching scene of being overly tired and exhausted from a long day's work. Got Jason to un-do the ice-cubes for me to make my ice water. Good combanition don't you reckon? A recipie for disaster! I wobbled up the stairs, hands clutching the banaister. Finally making it to my room with a racing heart, face almost wet, I flopped into bed; breathless.

dramatic eh?

Well, that's how it has been for awhile now. And I do give out alot of intestine mucos, which is a sigh of laxative abuse. Way too much by now!!! I need the doctor's help; NOW!!!

I'm going to die, if not. am forever breathless. Weak-hearted. And worst of ALL them is; I'm so teary! And wanting to cry! I'm not so emotionally weak and troubled. I am not so silly billy over small unreasonable things. I just need to cry, but WHY? I know not! I just don't want to feel so WEEPY all the time and be a cry baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Dammit!

I wonder how many more long nights I will spend on my toilet floor asleep with the cold tiles pressing against my face. I wonder how long more I will wake up to fine that the entire right side of my body is sore from the hard floor and my skin has deep indents of the mat I have slept on. And I wonder how long more I will have to wake up with a throbbing head, half bruised from the weight of my skull on the cold cold floor. I want to get well dammit, I do. But the fear is making me go insane. Im procrastinating like fuck, I delaying is as much as I can. And the "best" part is, mom and dad doesn't have a word to say. They say nothing; not a word of encouragement whatsoever. Mom nags a little bit bout the things she need not nag about though =__= but thatsw what moms are for sometimes I guess. hmm...

I will do something about it soon enough...Hopefully before I have my first faint. And if I do faint, hopefully its not in my second home haha..that would be bad as!!!