just ain't good enough

I just am not doing well.

I thought I could hold up and prolong the "getting wel" stage. I thought it would help if I just stick to eating all the healthy stuff. Yet I crave for the unthinkable at the weirdest ways and times. Today iself I've had dim sun, sushi, curry laksa, juiceworks, yougart smootie, a full on chow choi dinner and doughnut AND strawberries. That a might hell load of food I've consumed non-stop in a day!!!!!!

WHat's worse is...I think my body actually absorbed some of it!! @_@

I hate me.
I hate the cravings.
I hate this and I want to get wel but stay skinny...skinnier is better.


AH....I think I'm just tired. Very tired.




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On another topic;

I've come to a realise that no matter how much I wish Alicia to vanish from the face of KL....I can't get rid of her and I can't hide from her. Ok, so I don't really care if I bumped into her one day; even while when with Jeremy.

I just cannot stand that; like it or not, will be part of Jeremy's life. Directly or indirectly. For a long more time to come. First it was people saying stuid things like, "Oh, change gf edy??", right in front of my face!!! fuckers.

I thought that would last for awhile. But now...somehow or rather, Alicia is brought up. Pfft. I don't hate her, I just dispise/dislike her, for reasons valid enough to feel such a way. And to justify my fucked-up feelings; simply put, I want nothing to have of her and especially to do with the one I love.

But I cannot stop the rest of the people. SO I have to stop myself.

Stop me from caring too much about the things I worry about. And maybe stop caring altogether. He is he and he can do as he wants. I will trust his judgements to not let my feelings bruise.

Words are still just words at the end of the day.